Concerned about my daughter

[sbo]

I have a growing concern about my daughter. My husband and I have two children, a son in his first year of college and daughter in 10th grade. My daughter, like my son did, attends a private school in our area. As a family we are very middle class, maybe slightly upper middle, but by no means rich. However, my daughter has been exposed to classmates from wealthy backgrounds. This exposure seems to be influencing her in a number of ways. My husband and I have notice comments about how small our home is and the quality of our furnishings. She has also begun to contemplate career paths which seem to be based solely in earnings potential. There are other signs as well. My daughter is a really bright girl with so much potential. I hate to see her getting swept away by these influences.

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this with their children and might have some advice.

[bdow]

"If you follow your bliss you will always have your bliss, money or not. If you follow money, you may lose it and you will have nothing."
Joseph Campbell / Mythologist

I can remember when I was young and my father wasn't about to pay a lot of money for designer clothes (Villager and Papagala at the time) whether we could afford it or not. I hated it at the time. But now, I love him for it because at an early age, I started defining my sucess in terms other than money/status/things. Interestingly enough, many of the people I know who do have significant financial wealth are loathe to show it. They drive old cars, wear reasonable clothes, live in comfortable rather than showy homes, and revel in a bargain. Many of those who DO display outward signs of wealth are, in truth, deep in debt. I love the commercial with the guy who has the new home, the new car, the new mover who crys that he is deep in debt and "can anybody help me?" It's about time we said it out loud....people are spending too much and many are in grave financial situations because of it. Perhaps you should have a discussion about debt with your daughter and make her realize that many of the "haves" have debt and a lot of it. Talk to her about the pressures of high debt -- you can't leave a job that drives you crazy, you can't sleep at night, and heaven forbid that you or your spouse get's sick and can't work. If "keeping up with the Jones'" is the benchmark for success, she is bound to fail. There is always someone with more money. EXAMPLE: I have clients who make more than $500K per year but, nearing age 60, have saved nothing while they try to keep up with friends that have even more money.

As for her future, I can only hope that she realizes that money is only a tool one uses to obtain true wealth--comfortable life sytle, doing what you love to do day in and day out, the financial freedom to have options at almost every decision making point in one's life, and giving back to those who are less fortunate.

[sbo]

Thank you for your response. And I love the quotation. I think I'll share it with my daughter.

[mikeatl]

I also have been fortunate enough to have clients that are VERY wealthy and I have observed what happens to those that have it but didn't earn it. Unless "raised right", there often is a myriad of problems. Not that I am crying for them as there are bigger problems in the world for sure..........but the point that money isn't fulfillment is an important thing to internalize and understand.

While it may be hard to watch someone you love touch the stove when you know it is hot and they won't listen, I bet they will learn and not keep touching it with your patience and support. Any job done well is difficult task most of the time, and parenting certainly is no exception to that. I am sure your daughter will land on her feet.