open book

[redshoes]

I have the fear of being an open book. Why would we share secrets? Why not keeping some mistery around. If we share secrets, then they are not anymore secrets!

It is interesting tha most of the secrets are about something we are embarased about, something that we think went wrong, something that we do not feel sharing. Are there secrets that are good feelings, good thoughts?
Do we keep for ourself momnets that were so wonderful that we cannot share?

When in a relationship, is it common practice to open the book and sharing it all? If this is true, what is left? we know it all, we know what it comes next.

[mikeatl]

Fear is not a bad thing......but too much isn't good either. Disclosure is part of trust and intimacy.....and that should take time. Do you feel that it is bad that you aren't an open book? Why should everyone be an open book? That level of intimacy is what should be special. Why not only give your "self" to those that have proven themselves worthy? If you make a mistake, I bet you will find out that you are still breathing, a bit wiser, and will move forward. Now I will try to take my own advice. :)

[paddleon]

I guess I feel like there are different kinds of secrets. The kind that has negative feelings attached to it can feel like a burden to carry around. Feelings like guilt and shame. It is usually a relief when I can unload this kind of secret and be unburdened by it. Sharing doesn't always end the feelings, but it can make them feel less heavy.

paddleon......

[sixfeet]

I like Mikeatl advice. Taking healthy risks has generally paid off for me. Building up trust is a series of mini-steps between two people, finally building to the point where larger disclosure is possible. The safety net of trust has been established.

[blueskies]

Without being irresponsible, I tend to trust other people until they give me reason not to. I know friends who are quite the opposite, only trusting people after they have earn their trust. I find myself more cautious around people who seem mistrustful at first. It gets in the way.

[redshoes]

Disclosure: the big fear of our century. The world regulates all the information that comes out of our credit cards, our cell phones. We are in a way all out there. There is not much we can hide. I wonder where this will go. We may not need to worry about telling our husband all our sequence of mini-boyfriends - he will have all the file before the first date! What then? What if we are out there fully naked? What is left? What is more to know and learn about one person? What is more to discover? what is more to experience? Would we experience all we did if all the world would be part of?

[Traveler]

Having her/his whole file before the first date doesn't sound so bad :) I don't think the mystery is the basis of a healthy relationship, quite the contrary for me. It is part of the dating game for many, but I wouldn't give it too much credit in the long run.

[redshoes]

What would you traveler give credit in the long run? What would you do with all this information about his/her past? Why does it matter anyways? Does our past reflect who we are? Does our past reflect what we do?

[sonic]

What better reflects who we are than our past? The future is impossible to predict but the the past gives the best hint as to who we are and how we will act.

[cooltimes]

I think we all hold some part of ourselves as private, but part of the appeal and beauty of a relationship is being able to share ourselves with our partner.

[sonic]

I think the past does give a real glimpse as to who we are, but hopefully it also gives us information on how we need to change and create a different better version of ourselves.

[chicagirl]

I have a few secrets I have never told anyone, not to say I never would. I suppose I would like to tell them but so far I haven't met the right person to tell them to.

[cooltimes]

Finding the safe person or place is a key to sharing secrets. I also think finding something in ourselves is an important part of sharing a secret. It takes a lot of guts.

[duncan]

I believe everyone needs a safe place to retain their privacy. But I also think that sharing is very important as a means to help your self and develop relationship with other people. I let my gut lead me.

[hoptoit]

I've recently read that there are really only two core emotions....fear and love. They ultimately drive our actions. Whether you decide to "be an open book" or not, it is probably worthwhile understanding your fear.



I have the fear of being an open book. Why would we share secrets? Why not keeping some mistery around. If we share secrets, then they are not anymore secrets!

It is interesting tha most of the secrets are about something we are embarased about, something that we think went wrong, something that we do not feel sharing. Are there secrets that are good feelings, good thoughts?
Do we keep for ourself momnets that were so wonderful that we cannot share?

When in a relationship, is it common practice to open the book and sharing it all? If this is true, what is left? we know it all, we know what it comes next.